Melancholy and the Infinite SAHDness

You have no one to blame but yourself.  I've said this to my kids a lot (not a million times, but possibly into the hundreds).  My oldest son touched the iron after I told him ten times it was hot like the oven, and just seconds after I turned around to get my wrinkled shirt.  He was seven and just had to confirm that I wasn't lying to him.  At the ripe old age of ten, he believes me a lot more often these days.  He is still the skeptic, though.  The best response I get from him now is, "Hmmm, you might be right."  I'll take what I can get if it keeps him from getting hurt too bad.  It's amazing how your child's pain wounds you.  That's something they don't tell you in any childcare class.
     I've worked many different jobs in my life.  Some I was very good at and some where I was terrible.  Luckily, I am very good at this one.  It's easy to work hard when you love your customers as if they're your wife and children.  Even easier when you find the outside world to be monotonous and depressing.  This world I've created inside my home can be repetitive with all of the dishes, laundry, meals, and maintenance work that has to be done everyday, but it is never boring(extremely tiring, yes!).  My kids constantly surprise me with new ideas and new perspectives on things I haven't revisited in years.
     The depressing part is a little different animal.  That comes more from inside a person, rather than outside stimuli.  You are usually who you are whether things are going great or terrible.  You have no one to blame but yourself. Those words are much easier to say than to hear, especially coming from yourself.  I say that to myself when I am feeling low and alone(which isn't often), but the only real sad part of being a SAHD(sorry for the bad pun) is when I let myself believe that I have sacrificed my own goals and dreams for my children's future. It is simply not true.  My hobbies include playing music, writing, and performing stand-up comedy(although I haven't done stand-up in many years, I still write jokes hoping to one day get back up on stage).  These things I can still do, but exhaustion and laziness combine into a powerful deterrent when you are already prone not to believe in yourself.  NOT ANYMORE! 
     I give everything I have to the ones I love, and that is why I have given nothing to myself in ages.  This blog is the first step to being nice to me.  If I can get back in the habit of writing everyday, then maybe I will finish one of the two novels I have started, or some of the countless short stories that I dust off every week on the bookshelf(OK, not every week, but sometimes).  This will be my third post and I feel lighter already.  My wife and kids are my lifeblood(copyright infringement?), and they treat me like a king.  Maybe I do deserve it...